Monday, September 15, 2008

Money

Ok now I know what your thinking, why don't you just get a job? I know and it's that easy and it isn't. After I had my son, he is almost 13 now, I didn't feel right. I had my own business at home. I was doing inside sales mostly calling businesses for a couple of moving companies. I know a lowly telemarketer but I loved it. I love to talk and it was going quite well for me. But the older DJ got the harder everything became for me. I know it sounds like an excuse but just the laundry seemed so over whelming. At the time we had Humana insurance and I went to our primary care physician. And the lovely woman doctor said that I was depressed and gave me antidepressants. All I can say is that didn't go well. I went a little crazy and everything made me angry and Dennis and I were on the verge of divorce. It went so far as he was bringing me boxes from work. It was awful. I had a 4 year old and a new born and I was really afraid of how I was going to support all of us. I just felt so confused and overwhelmed exhausted. Anyways, as I was packing and crying and yelling, Dennis and I started talking and I told him how awful I felt and how uneven emotionally I felt. So we both sat on the floor and we traced it back to the antidepressants. It had all slowly started to slide down hill from there. So we decided to give our marriage another shot and I stopped taking the pills. It was hard and I did "crash" but when I finally got it out of my system I felt better but I still had the exhaustion and yet I pushed on. Years passed and I slowly got to the point where I couldn't work. It was everything I could do just to keep up with the house.
Dennis' company changed insurance companies so we got a new doctor. He was in town and maybe
2 miles away. It was 2 brothers that had their own practice. So I went to this doctor and told him about my problems. At this point I had no eyebrows on the outer two-thirds and my hair was falling out in clumps. Needless to say this idiot told me that depression hurts and I needed antidepressants. I left feeling alone and emotionally weak.
After 9 years of this, my sister was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid and a little light went on. I made an appointment quickly after that with his brother. I told my new doctor about it. And he look at what his brother had written in my chart and said I need to accept my depression and then I would be on my way to recovery. He brought me a pamphlet and dimmed the lights and left me to read it. Needless to say I was PISSED. When he came back in all hell broke loose. After 9 years of this and he wasn't even willing to run blood work. I told him basically his pamphlet was vague and written by the drug company and I'm the happiest person I know. He said and I quote"You can be happy and depressed, you know." And to that I said RUN THE G** D*** blood work. Hey guess what it was my thyroid, after all. But he said that an underactive thyroid wouldn't cause any problems so he wouldn't dose me properly. Fast forward to now, almost 13 years later. After he made me sob because I went and got my own blood work to prove he was wrong. And he was no where near having me dosed right. I asked for a referral to an endocrinologist. He went off on me but I did get the referral and I have my second appointment on Tuesday. The endocrinologist said that I'm anemic and that's causing part of it. He is wonderful and I'm really starting to come around. I feel like it's an awakening.
So now I guess your asking why didn't I just switch doctors. Well he was great with my son. DJ has severe allergic reactions to red dye and both doctors would come through with flying colors for him. And I just wasn't up to arguing with another doctor. You just get to worn down to fight.
But another problem I have is that our daughter will be going away to college in 2 years. If I get a job, we won't qualify for a grant because we will make too much. My father-in-law is a CPA and he checked it out. So I'm stuck, do I get a job and everything I make goes toward her college or just keep treading water and stay home.
I know excuses, excuses.
Thanks for reading,
SonyaAnn >

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