Well, I'm not doing so well. I'm still missing my father and I've been trying to do things to pick myself up. I started to think about what I would say to someone in my position. I'm never as kind to myself as others are to me. I usually tear myself down and never try to be kind to myself. And I would never say the same things that I say about myself to anyone because that would just be cruel. So I'm going to do something nice for myself for Christmas. Something that I would never do, I'm going to give myself a kind word. I'm going to write about one of the kindest things that I've ever done. I'm sure that some will think that I'm just being narcissistic but I have never given myself any credit and I feel so low that I think I need something. This moment in my life makes me feel better about being me and makes me believe that God still wants me here. So here it is......
I had to drive to my parents house and on the way there I stopped for gas. It was Christmas time and very, very cold. It was early evening and the sun had set and the wind had an icy bite. So I slowly got out of the car and pumped my gas. I filled it up and went inside to pay. What I didn't realize was there were two police cars on the other side of the gas station. They were walking back and forth between a woman in a very old car and the irate store owner. So being me I had to ease drop. Well, what had happened was the woman didn't have very much money and tried to pay for her gas with change that she had in a jar. She wasn't trying to skip out. It's just that she was poor and change was all that she had. The store manager was trying to get the police to arrest her. Of course, they wouldn't. It was just a very sad situation. The woman hung her head in shame. It was a Sunday so there were no banks open and no where to exchange the change. I looked at this woman with her dirty well worn coat. And then in the car with tattered plastic for a side window, sat her crying teenage daughter. The girl had her head hung in the same defeated manner.
I went and paid for my gas and asked the owner how much she owed. He said it was $7.00 the exact change he had just handed me. I told him that I was going to pay her bill but only in front of the officers so that they would know that the matter was settled. So I called the officer over and told him what I was doing. He smiled and thanked me.
I walked back outside and over to the woman. I told her what I had just done and told her not to worry. She wasn't in trouble and she could leave. She thanked me and asked for my name and number so that she could pay me back. I told her Merry Christmas, it was a gift. She stood there with tears flowing down her face thanking me. I walked over to her and hugged her tight. She told me that she never thought that her life would come to this, how low she felt. I told her that I had walked in her shoes and that I was so proud of her. She cried even harder and I continued to tell her how I considered her a very lucky person because she had such a wonderful daughter. She continued to cry and shook her head in agreement. And I promised her that it would get easier just not to give up the fight. I held her for a while in the parking lot giving her words of encouragement and letting her cry. When she stopped crying, I let her go and I told her Merry Christmas. And then we both left. I pray that life is better for her and her daughter. I've never seen her again.
That was one of the best moments of my life and it happened just by chance. So SonyaAnn, Merry Christmas and don't forget that you should save a kind word for yourself as well as others.
Thanks for reading,