Monday, January 26, 2009

Finding an agent

Alright,I'm on the verge of tears. Well I'm actually crying, now. I really don't know what I've done. And I'm not stupid, it may just be an easily bruised ego. I don't know what to call it. I've been looking for an agent and all they do is attack me. And I'm not talking about a slight suggestion here or there, I'm talking about down right mean. And they haven't even read anything that I've written. I love to write, with all my heart, but I don't know anymore. They keep attacking my book for being published with a smaller company and that I'm being scammed. But I really don't know how it's a scam if they are paying me, gave me free copies and are in good standing with the better business bureau. My publishing company was founded by 2 authors that felt that the process of getting a book published was flawed and they could do better. They don't deal with agents just the author. They edited my book and paid a professional artist for the cover. They have been true to their word with me. I knew that I would have to be involved with marketing from the beginning. If the top publishing companies in the country had published my book, I would be in the same boat. They do pay for advertising but only for their top authors, the rest are on their own just as I am.
Den said that the agents are pissy because I got it published without them. He said I cut out the middle man and proved they aren't necessary. And if all the authors did that, the agents wouldn't have jobs. I just don't understand how my work can be attacked if they haven't even read it. I knew when I signed with them that I wouldn't sell a lot. And that I needed to be involved with helping to get it out there and that I would have to pay my dues. I went into this with open eyes. Writers are known for being poor, I knew all of this and I'm fitting in quite nicely. But I actually have an agent send me email after email about what a fool I am. She is bordering on stalking. I know I'm not a professional writer, I knew this when I sent it out. But I don't know why it's such a problem that I got my book published without an agent. Am I going to be rich and famous? NO! But it seems that she just wants to take it away from me. I've never encountered someone like this before and I've encountered some hateful people but this one acts like she wants to set me on fire! I'm just proud that I'm able to hold something that I've written in my hands. Maybe I should stop looking for an agent, I don't think my nerves can handle anymore. She said that anyone can get a book published with my publishing company, I'm not special. People that publish with them have no options and no patience. Getting a book published properly takes years if not a life time so I have nothing to offer her. I really don't know what to do about this.
I'm not going to stop writing but I think I'm just going to keep it to myself. My husband's aunt wrote a book of short stories and had it published in a similar way and then got a job offer from a magazine. So good things can come of this, I just need to remember this.
Thanks for reading, I'm going to crawl off and lick my wounds,

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