Poor Ralphie blind from soap poisoning, I'm about two days behind him. And on with the show........
Like I have said so many times before I'm getting healthier but it has had a few odd draw backs.
I'm taking anywhere from 25-30 pills a day most being holistic pills. I'm not sure if I can blame my little problem on my pills or just genetics. It's probably genetics but I''ll let you be the judge.
So I'm lying in bed and my right leg gets this very odd sensation running down the side of it, something between a light electrical current to a flutter. If I move my leg, it completely stops. But the minute I'm completely still, it starts all over again. Let me just tell you that this is like Chinese water torture. It doesn't hurt but you can't relax enough to sleep. Let's just say that I was a terrible crank butt the next day. I tried to a take a nap the next day but every time I was still it started all over again. It was maddening. Since I consider myself more qualified than my doctor, I diagnosed myself with Restless Leg Syndrome. I spent the next day researching it. And the conclusion I came to was I need to go to my primary care DR. He would just tell me I was depressed and amputate my arm. Not in the mood for that.
As I lie in bed that evening counting off my twitches like you would contractions(Every 2 seconds, mind you) I remembered that my mother had said this had happened to her while she was visiting my dad's family. My cousin told her to put a bar of soap by her feet. And she said that it stopped right away. What the Hell, I'm game. After a few nights with very little sleep, had I thought that gluing my eyelid to my thumb nail would have helped me sleep, it would have been a go! I grab the bar of soap out of the shower and put it under my fitted sheet. NOTHING! Now just to make me in a little bit of a better mood, my other leg starts to get the same feeling. It would have been nice if they could have collaborate on it but no. They were completely out of sink. One leg and then the other would flutter. DEAR GOD! So I get up again. I rip the bar of soap out from the sheets and stomp off into the bathroom. I put the soap back and think about going for a jog. That should tell you how bad it was, if a fat ass like me was willing to take up jogging at 3am to get some relief.
The next day, needless to say, was not an improvement for my mood. I needed to do something but I wasn't thinking real clearly. I somehow managed to get through the day without dismembering anyone. But that night as I lie in bed, I was starting to think that amputation was my only hope. My mind wandered back to the soap. What the Hell. I'm already a mess, I sleep with a mouth guard in and pink earplugs. What is a couple of bars of soap in my socks! And yes, I went into the hall closet and got two little bars of soap from a hotel stay. I unwrapped them and got into bed. I slipped one into each sock. At first, nothing. Great how am I going to get around once I amputate my own legs, I thought! And I was starting to think that it was a good idea, a few nights without sleep and the insane becomes the sane.
And then it stopped. Just like that, it was gone. It seemed that once the bars got warm, it worked. Never mind the fact that the soap was burning my feet. Warm lye and skin react. But the burning sensation was easily over come, it was nothing compared to the zapping feeling.
OK now this is where the fun begins. You were thinking that the worst was over. But alas, you were wrong.
I woke up and had to take my 3am pee. I will just say that trying to walk on bars of soap will help wake you up. CRUNCH, SNAP! Whatever, I'm tired and have to pee. Nothing like pieces of soap in your sock to help you on your journey to the bathroom. I figured that I should pick the soap out of my sock. And then I realized that only one thing was going to happen, wipe or socks. Wipe it was!
I wake up the next morning much better off than I had been in days. Besides crushing the soap to dust the night before, I was cured. I carefully take the soap out of my socks and start my day. Only to realize that whenever I stop moving, it starts again! UGH!!!! I have stuff to do. And I had learned that I couldn't walk on soap. And then it hit me!! I've been saving all the super tiny slivers of soap. I put the thinnest one that I had in the arch of my foot. Once it heated up, it was flexible and thin enough that I could walk without cracking it.
I bet this is a tip that you have never gotten and it works! So the next time that you have a sliver of soap left, don't smash it to the next bar of soap. Save it for your Restless Leg Syndrome.
Thanks for coming to see me,