Thursday, September 2, 2010

Part of the Process?

Life is good. Well at least, that is what my dad would always say, I'm not sure if I'm a believer or not.
Poor, poor Miss Anna. Her exact words were, "I'm trapped in Hell." To be honest, that is not what a parent wants to hear. And to be super honest, that is not what a parent wants to hear when they are trying to pay $20,000 a year for college.
Little Banana is not adjusting so well. Just flipping perfect! She loves the campus and her classes. She actually likes school work and is one of those kids that will ask a teacher for help and then just hang out for a while. She wants to become a teacher and this is her way of seeing what the "life" is all about. She had a very hard time in junior high. She was bullied and beaten on. It was a bad time for all of us. But she had a wonderful teacher take her under his wing and help her through it all. Mr. Hinkel is a gift. And she has decided to be a teacher in junior high to help other kids. She was a student teacher this summer and helped with special needs kids. She loved it. I know that things can change and she can switch majors but I doubt it.
Anyways, back to the story. Anna and her roomy aren't on greatest terms. I actually feel sorry for Anna's roommate because she has no one that cares. I've tried to explain this to Anna. And Anna said "you live in this mess and deal with all of the guys." Anna has found out by being at EIU that she is actually very clean compared to everyone. She always thought that she was dirty because of all of my nagging. But compared to college students she is spotless. Oops. And from all that I've seen, she is living in the movie "Animal House." All of which is not going over so well.
One lovely, and long Friday night she called VERY upset because the buses weren't running and she couldn't get home. The word hysterical is a good word to describe the phone call I got. Sooooooooo, I drove 8.5 hours round trip to get her. Yes, right through rush hour traffic in Chicago on a FRIDAY! And then drove her back on Sunday. She better take good care of me in my old age!
The good news is the buses are running and will bring her within an hour of us for $50 round trip. I'm hoping that she will settle in and find her way. She also told me that she has been hanging out with a church group that is very involved with the college. So let me get this straight, you leave for college and don't go wild, you go to church. Hmmmmm, what kind a bad influence were we on the kids. Go to college and find Jesus. We are heathens.
I never would have guessed that she would have missed us. I figured that she would have started partying and failed classes. Not being home sick and going to church.
This is going to get expensive if she comes home every weekend but I would never tell her no. My guess is she will settle in and this will pass. I never would have thought that she would want to be with us. We will just find a way to make it all work. She also said that she can't work for a little bit. Panic. She is miserable and can't. We had an adult conversation(who knew) and she said that she is on overload. She has enough cash to get her through the first semester so I will let it go. She said she wants to resolve her roommate issues, find her classes and just get used to it. It makes sense but I still have the job of worry about the money. Den and I talked and in the end decided that she has to put school work first. Next semester, I'll just come unhinged. She even thinks that she can get a full time job for the summer through a friend and is going to look into that also. College is nothing more than worrying for the parents!
So if you leave me a comment and I don't answer, its cuz I'm driving,


Annie Jones said...

I'm so sorry things aren't smoothed out with Anna yet.

Unfortunately, I have NO advice, as I got homesick a lot at that age. I left a week-long journalism camp halfway through, and wanted to move back home on the second day of my marriage. (Not to Shane, but that other one.)

I suspect that if she can get a new room assignment, things might settle down a lot for her.

slugmama said...

Well I didn't get homesick when I got dropped off at college....I literally got dropped off and had nowhere else to go, so there was no point in entertaining any thoughts of leaving for me.lolol

But every summer I worked away from 'home'...home being my now Hubs...I did get homesick. I'd call about day 2 or 3 crying I hated it here and I didn't want to stay. Hubs knew me though and knew it would pass so he didn't send $ for the bus home or say I was justified in coming home now. If I had left every time I wanted to, I'd never have finished a job. Sometimes you need to tough things out and sometimes you need to let someone you love tough some things out. ;-)

That being said...
Adjusting to living away from home is hard at any age. And having to adjust while working a new job, attending a new school and dealing with living with the "unlivable" roommate is a triple whammy.
Do what you feel is best for both Anna and the rest of your family.

If it works out(the no working this semester plan), great. If come 2nd semester the finances don't work for whatever reason, it is NOT the end of the world! If she has to take a leave or go to a different school for awhile, then it happens.

I saw a high school friend of my son's the other day...he was attending Drexel(an expensive private school in Philly). Asked him why he was still in town here. He is no longer going to Drexel.....not enough $ to do it. He is going to the local Comm. College this semester and maybe next and working his brains out to save money so he can go back to Drexel next yr. or so.
So it happens alot....changing schools and changing plans.

Hang in there!

A.Marie said...

I remember those college days. My sister and I moved away (only an hour) but it might as well have been half way across the world. We didn't have a car, there was no bus service anywhere near my small town, and my folks couldn't afford to come and get us every weekend. So, I knew that I had to either adjust or fall apart. I chose to adjust, but it wasn't easy. I feel for Anna, but I have a feeling that it is the roommate issue that is tripping her up.

I had a roommate from you-know-where when my sister moved out and got married. I'm not a neat freak, but this chick was a total slob. After about 5 months, I couldn't take it any longer and we went our separate ways. I was soooo happy to be rid of her!

Sheila said...

I'm so sorry Anna is having problems. I hope things get better for her soon. I didn't move away from home until after I got married. I think I cried for about 3 months then I decided it wasn't so bad. It's hard leaving everything and everyone you know--she's going through some major changes now but it will get better. Anna sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and knows what's going on and she's trying to fix it. I bet it's as big a surprise to her as it is to you how much she misses home.
You are a good mom to go and get her. I hope she can resolve the roommate issues soon. Take care.

McVal said...

She'll get past this then you'll never see her...
I had lived at home all thru college and the homesickness hit me hard after a week of being married. I think I called my mom every day for a while until I finally felt like this was home now.

Frances said...

You are a good mom. Either than or crazy.

When I went away to hour and a half from parents dropped me off, without a car, and told me they would see me at Thanksgiving. And they did.

I could have ridden a bus home, I guess, but I didn't have the money and I sure wasn't going to ask my parents for it.

Anna will adjust. I hope you don't have to spend to many days on the road.

SonyaAnn said...

Annie Jones-I hope that you are right. With the way that we fought when she was here I figured that she wouldn't even know my name after a week!
Hmmmm, maybe you were right to want to leave your first marriage after a few days!

SonyaAnn said...

slugmama-You really should write a book, it would take you only about a week and a half where as it takes me 2 years!
I'm so sorry about how you were treated when you were younger. I understand. I love having a strong family unit and I think that we must have done a pretty good job with Anna if she is missing us. I never thought that I would feel that way or she would!
Coming home and going to community college is always an option. We are still working on the bill part of it. I think that she can make that much this summer. $3500. It will be close but that is her bill to pay. She has a line on a job and my MIL has a few family members that might be able to get her in for the summer so that is helping ease my pain a bit.
Thank you so much for all the advice!

SonyaAnn said...

A.Marie-So maybe I should send DJ to live with Anna? Is that your advice? LOL, I can't even imagine that one. Though at this point Anna might welcome DJ over her roomy! She has been spitting her old gum on Anna's bed. Nice Anna's bed is her garbage can. Anna is all kinds of mad!
I'm sure that Anna will have some tales to tell just like you do when she grows up and gets out of college.
Thank you for the advice!

SonyaAnn said...

Sheila-I had a much different experience when I moved out. I was just so grateful to have a place.
Thanks for thinking I'm a good mom but I have to tell you by the end of Sunday night, I was wiped out. I just wanted to be home. When I got in bed that night I couldn't sleep because every time that I would dose off, I would wake up in a panic because I thought that I had fallen asleep at the wheel. It was terrible!

SonyaAnn said...

McVal-I think that if she just had a safe place to call home down there she would be better off. She has no where to go and rest because her roommate is entertaining. Poor kid. I keep telling her to move but it is up to her to take care of this. It's always something!

SonyaAnn said...

Frances-Ummmm, I'm going with crazy! That's how I felt in rush hour traffic in Chicago on a Friday. I've driven down there all my life but it was somehow worse knowing that Anna was sobbing and I was being delayed.
I think she will get over it. She just needs a place to sleep at night. Her roomy doesn't want her there so she has to try and find a place to sleep on top of trying to adjust. And yes, I told her to Hell with that. She is just too nice and is getting walked on. She will get sick of it and stand up to her. Or the girl will stab her. She has "issues" and is being medicated for them. Lovely.

Nicole said...

The first semester is almost always a big challenge, both in undergrad and graduate school. Not getting enough sleep or having a room of her own is going to exacerbate that.

If she hasn't talked to her resident assistant yet-- she should! That's what they're there for. And if her RA is an unhelpful lazy bum, then she can talk with one on a different floor. She can use the resources that the school provides for students.

And hey, she can always transfer to NIU... that's the exact opposite of a party school. :) My sister-in-law transferred to SIU-E after a disastrous first year at another state school (I forget which, maybe SIU-C). She's also a special ed teacher and got a ton of job offers from all over the state when she graduated.

SonyaAnn said...

Nicole-Thank you so much for the ideas. She has been to her RA a few times. My SIL that went there said that they have then tendency not to listen to the students but the parents come in loud and clear.I'm sure that I will have to get involved at some point.
Thank you so much for taking the time to try and help me.
Have a great weekend!