Monday, February 7, 2011

A Curse

When I was a kid, I adored my grandmother. She was my entire world. She loved me but she had an odd way of showing it. Her love usually involved a curse on me. I spent my entire childhood turning her stomach and making her talk to the ceiling. She was very prim and proper, think of Jackie O and her style. I, on the other hand, wanted to live more like Oscar the grouch. She often had to pick dead bugs out of my hair and scrub dirt out of my clothes. I rode ATVs and only hung out with guys. All I wanted to be was a boy when I was little. I did try to pee standing a few times but it really didn't work out. I can say now that I'm older, I have come a long way. I bathe every day and I'm good housekeeper. Who knew? I also wear mascara once in a while, that is huge if you knew me from when I was young. I can also ride ATVs, spit and street fight with the best of them.
Needless to say, I grew up. I also did not escape the curse. Anna often said while she lived here that it was like living with three guys. She loves to primp and be girly, I tired not to gag until I got out of the room. Ahhh but DJ is a God awful slob. He smells like dirt and farts half the time and he would never bathe if I didn't remind him loudly.
We were driving down the road the other day and I just happened to look back at him. This is going to sound completely wrong but his crotch caught my eye. Wrong but true. I looked down and he had split the front of his jeans and was still wearing them. Who does that?
So I look at him with horror and in my best parenting voice I say, "Jesus Christ boy, is that your right nut?"
He then had the nerve to call me a pervert!
If I hadn't taken that pair of jeans out of rotation, he would still be wearing them. I'm off to shop for some clothes for him.
The first thing that popped into my mind was my Grandmother. I still miss her.
Thanks for stopping over,
SonyaAnn

16 comments:

Annie Jones said...

My hubby would be so happy if I noticed his.

SonyaAnn said...

Annie-LOL most guys would love it!

Mark said...

I don't even know where to start with this one. I'm sure that after I publish this comment, report you to CPS for checking out your kid's crotch, I'll come up with a witty comment. But you completley threw me on this. I was lured in by what sounded like a sentimental post about your grandmother. And before I knew, it, BAM, it totally changed. Right into the gutter.
Your Friend, m.
p.s. I know a lot of girls who ride ATVs. They're called Lesbians. m.

SonyaAnn said...

Mark-Ahhh my mind lives there. Sorry I just don't see it getting any better. Maybe Annie can help you with a witty and "clean" comment. On second thought......

McVal said...

LOL!!! I just bought my son 3 pairs of regular jeans because some brilliant friend of his gave him the super skinny (possibly druggy - at least they look like ones the band Police would have worn) jeans for Christmas and right now, he's only got 3 pairs of those. They're so tight, they hang off his butt and you can see the biking shorts he wears for underwear. And I'm pretty sure cutting off circulation in his legs. He ASKED me if I'd buy him some regular jeans! Woohoo! He's finally growing up! You BETCHA I will! I'm tired of looking at your butt crack!

Sheila said...

You made me laugh again!! Thanks!!! I can say I've seen just about the same thing around here---a few times. Why does the crotch wear out/tear more on mens jeans? Not sure I want to know the answer to that one!! Take care.

SonyaAnn said...

McVal-And I thought I had to worry about the girls showing off to much. LOL. At least, they think they look good. We shouldn't say to much cuz I had the "poof" back in the day.
Have a great week!

SonyaAnn said...

Sheila-Some things can't be unseen!
Glad I made you laugh, have a great week!

Frances said...

I almost peed myself. I love you, SonyaAnn!

Why do teen boys think is is okay for anything to be hanging out of their pants??

SonyaAnn said...

Frances-If you Peed I would have a witty comment/insult for you too!
And I personally think that boys love to show that little thing off!

slugmama said...

You sound like my mother SonyaAnn....she use to tell me tales of her being a real tomboy. She says she mastered the skill at 8 yr. old and even showed me how to pee staying up. Can you imagine that conversation? I was 38 yr old at the time and she was 63.lolol

Boys have no sense of modesty...I don't think they are born with one. ;-)

Together We Save said...

Your grandmother sounds like an amazing woman.

Beth said...

LOL! Thanks for making me laugh :)

SonyaAnn said...

slugmama-I couldn't imagine having that conversation with anyone. Well, maybe you!

SonyaAnn said...

Together We Save-She was pretty great.
Have a great week!

SonyaAnn said...

Beth-You are welcome!
I spent quite a bit of time getting caught up with your blog the other day.
Take care.