Monday, April 11, 2011

Completely Inappropriate

There are somethings that can't be unsaid or unseen. And then there are times that I think I have gone too far. This happened a while ago and I thought, "Hmmmmm, should I post it or would it be going too much?" So I decided at the time that it was too much even for me. And then I rethunk it. And decided, "What the Hell, jail sounds wonderful!"
I have said so many times that I am a terrible mom. I have no couth. Everyone knows this and I hope that the parole board will take pity on me.
My lovely Mother in law and I went on a little shopping trip to see if we could find a few bargains. We started at her house and then made our way around a few towns. DJ was off for the day and didn't want to join the "girls" for a fun filled day of shopping and lunch.
Half way through our little jaunt, I called him and told him to do his chores, pick up his room and take a shower. Nothing too hard but oh how that would all come back to haunt me.
We ended up near my house on our little trek and I said I wanted to stop by the house. And for the life of me, I can't remember what I wanted to stop for. But soon you will understand why I lost that memory.
I asked my Mother in law if she wanted to come in with me, she said no. Which is unusual because she always wants to see the grand kids, if even for a second. But she stayed in the car. God was with her on that day.
God, on the other hand, had completely forsaken me. I ran into the house to grab "whatever" cuz I still have no memory of it. (Please remember we live in a very open tri-level) When I walked into the house, I thought that it was weird that the house was "steamy" and I could hear the shower running. Hmmmmm, that's a bit odd I thought as I walked around and looked up the stairs into the hall. And then my son walked into the hall butt naked. I guess when I'm not home, he likes to walk from his room to the bathroom in the nude. And he also like the bathroom to resemble a sauna.
Both of our eyes almost popped out of our heads as we both realized that I had just seen his junk. This would be the point that I realized he was in desperate need of some undercarriage maintenance. He needed like sheep shears or something.
The conversation went something like this(Please remember that it was being screamed in pure horror)-
DJ-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Sonya-DEAR GOD, I LIVE HERE!
DJ-LEAVE!
Sonya-HOLY SHIT, I JUST SAW YOUR JUNK!
DJ-OH MY GOD!
We haven't been alright for a while. I did try to make it better.  DJ told Anna about our debacle and I said that something have changed since I "saw" you last. And that little statement made it worse.
I also, tried to get his father to talk to him about undercarriage grooming. I was told by his father that no grooming is needed. To which I answered, you didn't see what I saw. It was like one years worth of floor clippings from Great Clips stuck to him.
Another parenting misstep,
SonyaAnn

18 comments:

Christina - Rant Rave Roll said...

*laughing so hard I'm crying*

Gotta love truth in blogging. I'm thinking a nice pair of trimmers would be a great gift for the next special occasion. Throw some in a Easter Basket. They'll look great right next to the jelly beans.

McVal said...

LOL!!! I have been in that same boat once or twice.... Mental note - always make sure there are towels in that bathroom...
And just put a little Nair in his body wash. Problem taken care of!

Sheila said...

I'm with Christina--laughing so hard I'm crying. I just love reading your blog. Maybe you could get him one of those battery operated bikini trimmer things--they have a guard on them so he won't "nick" his junk!! Reckon that's what caused the split crotch a while back? Hope y'all are alright again soon. Take care.

Frances said...

OMG!! SonyaAnn, I am laughing so hard I am crying. And my nose is running. Oh wait, that is from my cold. Anyway, you got me laughing and crying.

Do guys groom their junk? I always thought that, for guys, what it is is what it is.

As someone who enjoys being naked, I would suggest that when you walk into your home and anyone else is there, you yell out "are you nekkid" before going past the front door.

Mark said...

Oh my God! I just had an 80s flashback. And this time, it didn't involve A Flock of Seagulls.
Please, for the love of God, do not torture your son with this. Think about it. Do you really want him to grow up like me? Because I see it coming.
Your Friend, m.

slugmama said...

As the mom of 3 teens, I have also learned it is always wise to loudly announce yourself when entering your own home unexpectedly....you should also announce before you tell these kinds of stories on the blog too...that's all I'm sayin....lol

DJ will most probably be in therapy in years to come because of this. You on the other hand, just need to have a brain surgeon laser this 'image' out of your head-it's the only way!lolol

Are Den's people a 'hairy' people?...or does DJ get this gene from your people? I'd give the poor boy a gift certificate for a MANSCAPE in his Easter basket.
Or Val's Nair in the body wash if you want to go the frugal route. ;-)

"Undercarriage grooming"...lolz
Too too funny.
At least Grandma didn't come inside with you...

SonyaAnn said...

Christina - Rant Rave Roll-If that boy ever found my blog, I think that he would set me on fire! Or at least, not talk to me for a very long time.
Laughing about the Easter basket-I think that would cause a fight though. But I would have more to write about!

SonyaAnn said...

McVal-It is a very upsetting boat, isn't it?
And you really are thinking! Nair would work but I'm not cleaning the drain out!

SonyaAnn said...

Sheila-NICK HIS JUNK!!!! Dear God you are funny! I'm not going to say that to him though. And yes, probably being fluffy down there split his crotch. Good tie in!

SonyaAnn said...

Frances-My kids are so messed up! Oh well.
Sorry about all the dripping-nose and eyes.
I don't think that they trim the hedge but I think that he should think about it.
Yelling something would be a good start!

SonyaAnn said...

Mark-SCREAMING FUNNY!! Flock of Seagulls!
I have no problem with DJ growing up like you. If you would like, I could send him to you. And you could talk to him about groomage!

SonyaAnn said...

sluggy-I have walked in on Anna before and she just stood there and said "welp are you going to learn to knock?" Then I told her her ass was really white.
Ummmm DJ doesn't know that I posted this one. I pray he doesn't find out either. I would feel so bad if he knew that I talked about him like this.
I'm not hairy and Den is normal I guess but there must be a recessive gene in there. He must be related to a Sasquatch.

Jane said...

Good Lord SonyaAnn, the kid's scarred for life. No boy wants his mamma to see his junk! Well, there is one good reason for me to be glad I have a daughter, not a son, not that I've seen her "junk" lately, but if I did I wouldn't feel so weird about it!

SonyaAnn said...

Jane-I have one of each and it seems the girls take it better than the boys. But if Den saw Anna then I'm sure that it would be different!

judy said...

warn a girl first..almost wet my pants


judy

SonyaAnn said...

judy-Sorry, my dear!!!
Have a great week!

Donna Freedman said...

Hey, you wiped runny baby poop off his junk for how long? I know that things change (as it were), but he'll just have to get over it.
Perhaps if you suggested that future girlfriends who are interested in, um, traveling south don't want to feel like they're trapped in the Amazonian jungle.
If he doesn't take your point, state it more bluntly: "Girls don't give BJs to Yetis!"
Okay, now I'm being as gross as you are. See what you've done to me, my friend???

SonyaAnn said...

Donna Freedman- Let's just pray that that poor boy never reads this blog! I think that he would die from embarrassment especially after he read all of the comments.