I'm going to let everyone in on a slight tidbit of information about me, people think that I'm a nice person and that I care. To be completely honest, all of you are much closer to me than most in the "real" world. I consider my blog friends to be my closest friends. Mind you there are a couple of people like my BFF Donna that I couldn't live without and the poor thing knows me all to well.
All of that said, this is going to be the meanest rant that I have ever done. I'm so frustrated right now and I'm pretty sure that there isn't an answer on this one. If you have problems with cuss words,
I try to be a good person, I really do but something is happening to me. I'm not sure if its just because I'm getting older or if I've had more than my fair share of shit and I'm fed up. Not sure but something bad is on the horizon.
I practice what I like to call tactful avoidance. I try never to say or do anything that would ever hurt anyone's feelings. I also try to leave everyone feeling good about themselves. I like to lift people up. So if I am in a situation that someone is picking on me or trying to tear me down, I try and find a polite way to escape without saying anything. Mind you, if I do go off on someone, welp-you earned it and I have no problem sleeping at night. Which brings me back to my point, I don't say anything when people say snide things. I also don't say anything when they are talking about a subject that I don't find well, table worthy. I usually just blink a few times and then try to find a happy place in my mind and shut you out.
My tactics are no longer working and I need to come up with a new strategy. People think that I care and well, if you can't talk about something appropriate well then I am starting to feel the need to tell you that you are a retard.
Case and point, a family reunion on Den's side. Ahhhhhhh, you say. Yes, now you get it. I love his family but we are now to the point that I feel the need to educate them. This last family get together, I kept it together. NO MORE! I have only said one thing to anyone on the Mott side and that was to his uncle. He wouldn't quit with the smart comments and sexual innuendos. I then felt that it was my duty to tell him that everyone knew he was hung like a little girl. He respects me now.
I would like to point out that I am not a proctologist and/or a gynecologist. Why does anyone feel the need to talk about this shit at the DINNER TABLE? Why? Please explain this to me. Why do people feel the need to trap me in a corner and tell me about every nook and cranny of their uterus? The only time I ever want to hear about your twat is if you are in the hospital and I have come to visit you. And even then, please keep it brief.
Here are a few examples of the ridiculous shit that I'm dealing with.
If you eat an entire plate of beans and then realize that you have a gynecologist appointment the next day, I don't want to hear about it. And I would like to add that that fucker is about to earn that $50 copay.
If the lining of your uteris is thin, this is not to be discussed while eating a salad.
If you fucking run into me at the mall and I'm having a pleasant girl's day out, don't trap me to talk about your bowel movements or the lack there of. I don't care.
And the sad thing is this is all true!
So here are my new guidelines-
If your breast are now expressing sperm-fucking great for you. I don't care!
If the lining of your penis walls are thinning-well laugh at you!
If you shit out the lucky charms midget-you god damn earned it. To be honest, I would probably stick around to watch that one. I would probably even tell you that god is punishing you for talking about your poop all the time.