Monday, January 23, 2012

A Happy Ending


Is it wrong to laugh at someone else's pain? Moral dilemmas, I love them. I say laugh because in the end, someone will end up laughing at you.
For my 40th birthday, I went to the spa with my MIL, Donna and Anna. Den paid for all of us. He did this willingly. It was keep me happy or I might destroy everything in a 5 mile radius. I don't do well with aging. I'm fine with the hard won knowledge that comes with age just not the wrinkles and droop.
Anyways, my sister in law called to wish me a happy birthday. It is probably best that I don't name her since she was the victim of the assault. I know that news papers give people aliases so I'll do the same. We will call her Cindy. Her real name rhymes with Cindy-but alas, I have said too much.
"Cindy" called while we were at Red Lobster. My MIL took us there for lunch. Turning 40 did not suck! I could turn 40 every week if I got spoiled like that. Anywho, Cindy called to wish me a happy birthday and to say that she wished that she was with us. We promised her that we would do a girl's day when she came home next.
We were telling her all about the spa and massages that we just got. She seemed to have a lot of questions. I asked her if she had ever had a massage and she answered that she wasn't sure. Hmmmmm, that was an odd statement. I'm pretty sure that you know if you have had a massage before. Because I have such tact and class I asked her, "How the hell can you not know if you have had a massage before?" Tact and class, baby. That question seemed to upset her a bit and she laughed nervously. "Well I have had a massage-sort of?" I'm happily munching on my cheddar biscuit, thinking about how weird she is.(God I hope she never reads this!) "Well did you or didn't you have a massage?" I asked as I wiped cheddar biscuit crumbs from my boobs, this happens more than I like to admit to. She exhaled, "I had a massage in the Dominican Republic." So now I'm really confused, what does the country have to do with it? She had gone on a cruise a few years back with a bunch of friends. What does that have to do with a massage? So I decide that I really need to get this information out of her-purely to help her, mind you. "So did you or didn't you get a massage in the Dominican Republic?" Again with the pause, "Yes, I think. My friend and I went for a massage but I'm not sure about it. We got undressed and the woman.......ummmmmm...... massaged us." Long pause. I just waited cuz I was so interested and my salad arrived. "She massaged my boobs too." I start laughing and choke on a crouton. "WHAT?" I asked laughing really hard. "She really got in there too. I'm glad that I had a towel over my face because I was so shocked that I think my eyes popped out of my head!" she said over the top of my laughing. "Wait, wait did she do this to your friend too?" I asked. "Yes," Cindy answered. "So this woman molested you both?" I asked with extreme compassion-not really. "We decided that it was a European thing," She stated. I would like to point out that they weren't in Europe. I also asked my BFF Donna who is from England about this. She was horrified that anyone could think that booby rubbing was something that they did in their spas. So it is not a European thing.
I happily pointed out to Cindy that they were probably in a massage parlor and that they got a happy ending. With therapy and time I'm sure that she will recover. In time, I will still be laughing at them!
Any stories you would like to tell me,
SonyaAnn

19 comments:

D.Lynn said...

Well, I know that I'm cleaning off my monitor after spitting coffee all over it... That's some crazy stuff! I'm still laughing my arse off, mind you...Oh my!

Sheila said...

I read this very detailed post twice! Ummmm, uhh, what!?! All I can say is AWKWARD.

McVal said...

LOL!!! as I brush crumbs off my chest...
I think I would've said something, WHOA THERE LADY!!! My chest doesn't NEED adjusting!
lol!

SonyaAnn said...

D.Lynn-You really should feel bad for someone that was molested but I laughed so hard at her. And the terrible thing was she was upset.

SonyaAnn said...

Sheila-She was just so relieved that her friend was molested too. I laughed even harder.

SonyaAnn said...

McVal-I would have been able to say something but then again that's me.

Sheila said...

"She was just so relieved that her friend was molested too. I laughed even harder" LMAO

SonyaAnn said...

Sheila-I just lack compassion and tact.

Jane said...

Perhaps they were supposed to be laying FACE DOWN and the poor masseuse didn't know the difference which opens up a whole other can of worms so just forget I said anything!

Judy said...

Ok I know I have told you to put alerts at the top of these things. I was laughing so hard that now I have to go change my undies.....LOL

D.Lynn said...

I'm so glad to be commenting with like-minded and funny as hell commentors :) You guys crack me up!

SonyaAnn said...

Jane-Maybe, I'll suggest that to her.LOL

SonyaAnn said...

Judy-So sorry about that one. I have that affect on people.

SonyaAnn said...

D.Lynn-We are the best commentors ever.

Frances said...

I think we can laugh. They paid for that happy ending. Is it really molestation if you pay for it?

SonyaAnn said...

Francis-Hmmmm, I'm not sure on that one.

Donna Freedman said...

Thanks for keeping us abreast of your life. It was a very uplifting post. But I'm afraid you weren't being very supportive.
;-)

SonyaAnn said...

Donna Freedman-Ahhhhh, so witty. Mensa is heaving with joy to have someone so mentally endowed.

Anton Houskeeper said...

LOL! Now that's a tough one! How did your sis-in-law and her friend get out of that conundrum? Walking out of there must have been one of the most awkward experiences of their lives! Hmmm, better note that down if you plan a visit.