Thursday, April 5, 2012

Ass Roulette

And I'm not referring to Jessie our dog. Mark, Annie, and Sluggy, I'm debating whether or not you are allowed to leave a comment.
Did you ever play roulette? Did you ever play Russian roulette with your bum? That's what it has turned into at our house. Three of the four kitchen chairs are broken. DJ has broken all three. He has also broken a cabinet door. He thinks he is a thug and leans back in the chairs, not the cabinet. I used Frances' suggestion and made him fix a few things that he broke. Welp, we now know he will not be going into the carpentry field when he is older. Demolition-maybe.
I had said to Den that we weren't buying any new furniture until we are done with the children. Den usually doesn't show fear but he looked around at all of the furniture that was ready to break and I saw his fear. We could eat on the floor. Well, DJ could eat on the floor and Den and I could share the one good chair that is left. The one good chair would turn into another broken chair if we both sat in it.
If you feel brave, you are welcome to come over and sit in my chairs and try ass roulette. I will not join in this game because I have played it one too many times. Even when you don't move or breath when you are sitting, you still can't relax because you know it could give at any moment. I lifted my fork and the damn thing broke. The good news is my fat ass is a lot quicker than you think and I threw myself forward. I did not end up on the floor. Dalten did not fair as well as I did. If a chair can't hold a three year old, it's time to go.
I think I will give the table to my family that wants nothing to do with me. I think that it would make a great Christmas present for them and seeing as they all weigh over 300lbs this would be hugely entertaining for me.
Asses up,
SonyaAnn


20 comments:

Annie said...

You could invite your family over for a party. Musical chairs would be a fun game to play.

Sheila said...

It looks so funny to see this post title on my frugal blog! Maybe you can get Hasbro to market this game for you = BIG $$$.

Jenny Woolf said...

When you finally replace those chairs, you can buy those iron chairs they sell for eating in the garden. (Bet you wish you'd thought of that don't you?)

SonyaAnn said...

Annie-You are a genius or more devious than me. Both are compliments.

SonyaAnn said...

Sheila-And this is the part that I need to apologize again. You have no idea how easy it is for me to get in trouble. LOL

SonyaAnn said...

Jenny Woolf-Den doesn't want to let the boy back in the house. That would save us from having to replace everything. He doesn't deserve an iron chair! Maybe an iron maiden.

Mamma has spoken said...

Yesterday hubby and I were out shopping at the local hardware store when I said to him that I wanted to get new fixtures for the hall bathroom's shower/tub. Hubby said no, not until the sons leave. They're all grown, worrying about them breaking it isn't as much of an issue any more. Hubby just shook his head and walked away. I think it's now just his excuse for not buying anything new :o/

Out My window said...

Go to a second hand store and buy the ugliest, strongest mismatching chairs you can find. They are eclectic! Then let your fam sit in the old ones!

slugmama said...

Well telling me NOT to leave a comment is a challenge, isn't it?lol

I have one word for you....concrete.
Go to the garden center and buy concrete garden benches. Outside of taking a sledgehammer to them, DJ can't break those.

Frances said...

Do you have any local thrift stores? If so, go buy chairs there. Use them until DJ moves out. It will be a lot easier if he breaks those than it would be if he breaks brand new chairs.

Jill said...

LOL Yup been there before! Finally we found an awesome new kitchen set at a yard sale for dirt cheap! Sore butts saved! LOL

Good luck.

Blessings,
Jill

Jane said...

Hows about duct tape? I'm the same way SonyaAnn - I refuse to buy anything new til Kazi leaves. Every towel and wash cloth I own is stained by mascara. Why or why did I think white towels were the way to go???

McVal said...

lol! I have a couple stools at our kitchen counter that are like that. I typically keep them for me and my son... We don't mind if and when they break...

SonyaAnn said...

Mamma has spoken-It does sound as if your hubs doesn't want to spend any money. I hate to spend money but it is getting bad around here.

SonyaAnn said...

Out My window-Eclectic! And that is what I will call my house! GIGGLE!

SonyaAnn said...

sluggy-I have two words for DJ-Get out! When he was little, it was cars on the walls now he is just crushing everything.

SonyaAnn said...

Frances-I think you have the answer to this one. We have been looking at some beautiful sets but even Den said it would be so upsetting if he broke one of those chairs.

SonyaAnn said...

Jill-I'm getting a bit more excited about this years garage sales just because we need to replace so many things.

SonyaAnn said...

Jane-YES, I hear you! Mascara, nail polish, and some kind of pimple cream that has bleached out/stained every towel we own! I'm surprised anything is left here. My BFF's son had pimple cream on his face and was rough housing with his sister, the cream got on the floor and bleached the carpet. She has a huge stain/bleach mark on her carpet. What the hell is in that stuff!?!?

SonyaAnn said...

McVal-I'm really worried that someone will come over and visit us and they will half kill themselves when they go crashing to the floor!