Monday, April 9, 2012

Pumpkin Porn


This post will fall into the "shit that I really say" category. I told this story to my daughter, a lot of her friends and others. I don't see it as perversion, I see it as more of a service announcement.  If you have young daughters, feel free to cut and paste this for when the time comes. My husband said that I was welcome to say anything that I had to to keep the boys away. He encouraged things like this!
When Anna was at the age when boys were looking at her and I'm sure thinking naughty thoughts, this was the story that I told. *Feel free to gasp at anytime*
I told them about how a young man was arrested for indecent exposure and violating a vegetable.(Some will say this is an urban legend but if you count an inflatable pumpkin, then it is all true.)  This young man walked into a pumpkin field, cut a circle in a pumpkin and then........uuuummmmmm..............went to town.
I told the girls(while they had horrified looks on their faces) not to ever base their own value on a relationship. Never to base their self-esteem on what someone says to you. Have respect for themselves, dress with respect for themselves and you aren't a bitch for saying no. Look to yourself for acceptance and love. Invest in an education for yourself, never stop learning and always plan to stand on your two feet. And if all else fails and a boy breaks your heart remember, they are all pumpkin fuckers deep down.
I bet you can't wait to hear the tale that I told DJ about tail. I'm an equal opportunity offender. And so you know, I didn't call him a pumpkin fucker.
So are you sorry that you stopped by,
SonyaAnn
PS-Those pictures have an entirely different meaning now, don't they?




20 comments:

Mamma has spoken said...

Not having any girls in this house, didn't know this. However, my son's stories of what he saw in Afghanistan along this line are hair raising....

D.Lynn said...

I commend you for your speech to Anna. There's no sense skirting around the birds and the bee's crap and I'm sure the honest conversation, albeit eye opening at the time, made a good impression. Kudos for saying what more parents SHOULD say!

Jane said...

And today my 21 year old daughter is off to be a "Bud Girl" at the Blue Jays home opener. I want to put her back in her playpen but she just won't let me! I hate it when they grow up and have minds of their own!

ChiTown Girl said...

tee hee hee....

Almost makes me wish I had a daughter to share this with... ;-)

McVal said...

So whadcha call him??!

Annie said...

Fumpkin Pucker!

SonyaAnn said...

Mamma has spoken-You probably shouldn't tell me those stories. I repeat things.

SonyaAnn said...

D.Lynn-My children call it being painfully honest. It's pretty bad when the kids have a phrase for my speeches.

SonyaAnn said...

Jane-If you want you can still tell her about the pumpkin people. And I bet that she is stunning, they are known to choose only the prettiest girls.

SonyaAnn said...

ChiTown Girl-This speech probably wouldn't work if you told it to a boy.

SonyaAnn said...

McVal-Pain in the ass!

SonyaAnn said...

Annie-HAHAHAHAHA!

Frances said...

SonyaAnn, you are hilarious.

SonyaAnn said...

Frances-I find myself upsetting at times.

Out My window said...

Don't know if I would have told this story, but I agree with you that girls need to have greater self esteem and say no. We always told our daughters that abstinence was best, but if they were going to puck a funkin pucker to use birth control. No need to have an extra pumpkin around for life.

slugmama said...

Stepping on soapbox *as it sags in the middle from the weight*....the problem in this world/country is that males are just wired different from females AND then the culture goes and encourages men to behave badly and to go with all their animal instincts. Which is never a good thing for the females. We are put into the position(no pun)of being the one of the species that controls the continuing of the species but we are given none of the control in the society in which we live.....until we take back our power.
The reason men have been successful in keeping overt control over women is that, after centuries of hearing the "we are not worthy/2nd rate" message, we collectively believe it....so it's been easy for men to dominate us. Bigger muscles also help.

The one thing that men in this society can do to help break this cycle of women being 2nd class peeps is for every man who contributes genetic material to a female child to remain IN THAT CHILD'S LIFE! Not only remain in her life but to contribute to her sense of self by being a positive influence in her life.
This will go a long way to raise womenkind up.
If he can't do this?.....he could keep it in his pants or find a personal pumpkin or other in the melon family to attempt to procreate with.
Either that or we should neuter the unacceptable males.

Yah, that's the first order of business when us Goddesses take over the world.....

SonyaAnn said...

Out My window-Your comment made me laugh. It is such a worry to have girls. Wait, I also worry about DJ. Never mind, they are all a pain in the butt. See I can control myself and not say ass. I've been trying not to say dirty things on my blog.

SonyaAnn said...

Sluggy-GO Sluggy, go sluggy, go sluggy! I still say you should be prez!I would be dying to see what you feed everyone and what the budget would be for the white house. LOL
A lot of the problem is young boys are being raised with no good male role models. A lot of times boys don't see men standing up and caring for their families. They see how the women are the work horses and don't think that they have to contribute.

Donna Freedman said...

I heard that as a joke whose punchline was something like this:
"A police officer who saw what the young man was doing said, 'Young man! What do you think you're doing?'
"And the quick-witted, horny young man replied, 'Shit! Is it midnight already?!?'"

SonyaAnn said...

Donna Freedman-Hahaha!
Den just told me about the guy that was arrested for having sexual relations with a dead deer. I don't think that I will work that one into the girl speech.