Monday, May 28, 2012

Only Me


Did you ever just look around and think, "why me?" I do and very, very often. I really don't know how I manage to get myself into bad situations but its where I like to stay.
I'll cut to the chase on this one so that you will have plenty of time to make fun of me. It's ok, we will see if you are more witty than the asses that I live with. I say asses because they are being a bit rude about the entire thing. I would like to think that they are just overjoyed and relieved so they are looking for an outlet. I doubt it.
You know how you have little lumps in your mouth. Go ahead and run your tongue around your mouth, I'll wait. See, I told you they were there. Well, I noticed that I had one under my tongue. It hurt a little. I ignored it. It's what I do. Then I noticed that it was getting bigger. Well that's a bit odd. So I decided to look at it. I mean, it's my tongue. I talk enough for three or four people. I would die if I couldn't talk.
So I took a gander at it. Ummmmm, I'm no doctor but a large black bump isn't supposed to be there. Hmmmmm, oral cancer runs in my dad's family. To be honest, I flipped out a bit on this one. It looks terrible and it hurts and I was pretty sure that I was dying. When I showed it to Den, he seemed very worried. He doesn't worry. His job is to tell me to calm down whenever I get upset, which he didn't. Anna cried. Well great! DJ told me that he loved me. Just start digging the flipping hole for me now.
I called the doctor's office. I told them about my little problem. They said that they need to see me right away. Again, this just cemented the fact that I was going to die.
By the time that I got into the doctor's office, I knew that the heart attack was going to get me first. My blood pressure had to be through the roof. Anna insisted on going with me. Again, everyone was making me feel as if I was going to kick off-SOON.
I told the doctor quickly about my lump and about my family history. He exhaled loudly-it was a concerned exhale. I panicked more. I didn't think that I could be any more upset.
So I popped open my mouth for him to see. He made an odd grunt and left the room. He was probably going to get a body bag.
He came back in with those bizarre looking magnifying glasses. Again, he grunted.  "Well, it isn't mouth cancer," he said. OMG, I could breath again.
"I think that you have a splinter under your tongue," he added.
"Well, how the hell did that get there?"
He just looked at me like, "I have no idea what you are putting in your mouth."
I'm going to a specialist to decided what to do with it.
Den seemed happy when I told him that I wasn't dying. But when I told him about my splinter, there was a Pinocchio joke that soon followed.
Why me,
SonyaAnn


20 comments:

Sheila said...

Oh my, that is scary! I am so glad it is not cancer. Wishing you luck with the specialist & enjoy the Holiday!

Mamma has spoken said...

Splinter in the mouth?!?!?!
Oh the jokes that would be made here about that and yes, some would be up there with the wicked wensday posts...

ChiTown Girl said...

I'm so sorry you had a scare like THAT! I'm glad it isn't anything serious. What IS serious is that you haven't told us how a freakin' splinter ended up in your mouth. Come on, Woman, spill it!!

Jenny Woolf said...

I sympathise with the hypochondria, but had to laugh as I imagined how you could have got a splinter there. I won't tell you everything that is in my mind, you'll just have to guess :D

Glad you are okay though.

Frances said...

How the hell.......

Glad you are okay, though.

slugmama said...

give a whole new meaning to "morning wood", don't it? ;-)

slugmama said...

And yes, I WENT THERE!lol

SonyaAnn said...

Sheila-Thank you! It's always something here.

SonyaAnn said...

Mamma has spoken-The jokes never end around here and I'm somehow the butt of most of them.

SonyaAnn said...

ChiTown Girl-I have NO IDEA how I got a splinter in my mouth. NO IDEA!

SonyaAnn said...

Jenny Woolf-I don't know how or why I get myself into these little predicaments.

SonyaAnn said...

Frances-That was FUNNY! If I'm ever sad, I'm just going to reread that comment over and over. I really laughed at that one.

SonyaAnn said...

sluggy-You would fit in well here.

SonyaAnn said...

sluggy-You and my family went there!

Jill said...

Well of course it has to be from the popsicle you had on the first sunny warm day of spring :-)
But seriously... very happy it is NOT cancer! Wishing you the best..

Blessings,
Jill

McVal said...

LOL! So did they take it out??!
It sounds like you've been getting a little bit too much fiber in your diet...

Jane said...

Leaving the "woody" jokes aside...lol...had to go there too!

SonyaAnn said...

Jill-Thank you for the well wishes. You are always above my low brow comments. I'm ashamed of me.

SonyaAnn said...

McVal-My Dr left it.
Waaaayyyyyyy too much fiber!

SonyaAnn said...

Jane-The jokes are great around here.