Monday, May 28, 2012
Did you ever just look around and think, "why me?" I do and very, very often. I really don't know how I manage to get myself into bad situations but its where I like to stay.
I'll cut to the chase on this one so that you will have plenty of time to make fun of me. It's ok, we will see if you are more witty than the asses that I live with. I say asses because they are being a bit rude about the entire thing. I would like to think that they are just overjoyed and relieved so they are looking for an outlet. I doubt it.
You know how you have little lumps in your mouth. Go ahead and run your tongue around your mouth, I'll wait. See, I told you they were there. Well, I noticed that I had one under my tongue. It hurt a little. I ignored it. It's what I do. Then I noticed that it was getting bigger. Well that's a bit odd. So I decided to look at it. I mean, it's my tongue. I talk enough for three or four people. I would die if I couldn't talk.
So I took a gander at it. Ummmmm, I'm no doctor but a large black bump isn't supposed to be there. Hmmmmm, oral cancer runs in my dad's family. To be honest, I flipped out a bit on this one. It looks terrible and it hurts and I was pretty sure that I was dying. When I showed it to Den, he seemed very worried. He doesn't worry. His job is to tell me to calm down whenever I get upset, which he didn't. Anna cried. Well great! DJ told me that he loved me. Just start digging the flipping hole for me now.
I called the doctor's office. I told them about my little problem. They said that they need to see me right away. Again, this just cemented the fact that I was going to die.
By the time that I got into the doctor's office, I knew that the heart attack was going to get me first. My blood pressure had to be through the roof. Anna insisted on going with me. Again, everyone was making me feel as if I was going to kick off-SOON.
I told the doctor quickly about my lump and about my family history. He exhaled loudly-it was a concerned exhale. I panicked more. I didn't think that I could be any more upset.
So I popped open my mouth for him to see. He made an odd grunt and left the room. He was probably going to get a body bag.
He came back in with those bizarre looking magnifying glasses. Again, he grunted. "Well, it isn't mouth cancer," he said. OMG, I could breath again.
"I think that you have a splinter under your tongue," he added.
"Well, how the hell did that get there?"
He just looked at me like, "I have no idea what you are putting in your mouth."
I'm going to a specialist to decided what to do with it.
Den seemed happy when I told him that I wasn't dying. But when I told him about my splinter, there was a Pinocchio joke that soon followed.