Tuesday, August 27, 2013

No Really Officer, It Was An Accident

First, I want to say that I totally creeped myself out while hunting for a bloody knife picture. Nightmares, here I come. Some people have issues, really deep seeded issues. And I'm not referring to myself this time. Who knew that was possible?
Something really bad almost happened at my house. I would call it, a series of unfortunate events. Or maybe, how my cat like reflexes saved the day. Maybe, I will let you decide. It was so bad that I'm willing to write about it. Hell who am I kidding, I will write about anything.
Den was making lunch for us. Bless him. He was making egg, basil, roasted red pepper, croissant sandwiches. Yes, he really just gets in the mood to cook something wonderful. Again, bless him. When I cook, you get thinks named, "Sonya's slop." True story.
Anywho, Den was frying the eggs. I was unloading the dishwasher. See, I do things around here. I had a handful of utensils. One of which was our massive butcher knife. It stuck out the most. Remember this, it will come into play.
As dear Dennis was frying, the stove decided to surprise us with a massive grease fire. I have never seen a grease fire before. Let me just say that the flames were a jumpin'. And so was my husband. He threw himself backwards with quite a bit of force. Yup and there I was, blade in hand, as he hurled himself toward the knife that was perfectly positioned to impale him. And for the briefest of moments, I was too upset about the fire to realize Dennis was trying to kill himself while I was doing a simple chore. 
In the end, I managed to throw myself backwards and point the blade away. It wasn't pretty folks but it worked.
Den shut off the stove and blew out the flames. He said that it happened quite often, when he worked at the restaurant. I then told him how he tried to kill himself and how the arresting officer would never have believed me.
He was this close ( ......................................) to impaling himself. And no one would have believed me. I'm sure that most of you would have sided with the arresting officer on this one.
So the moral of the story is..........................I shouldn't unload the dishwasher anymore.
Stocking up on plastic utensils,
Sonya-not a butcher-Ann


D.Lynn said...

With Den, I think they might have gone with the accident theory - Now, DJ, that would have been a different story. All's the police would have to do is check out past blog posts for evidence ;)
Seriously though- close call...glad it had a happy ending. I mean, what better reason to not do dishes anymore?

Cheapchick said...

Holy bat crap. Fortunately it sounds like you love him, but he best be on his toes!

slugmama said...

I hear that even plastic utensils can be deadly.....add in the "Sonya Ann factor" and yep, those are still a recipe for disaster. hehehe

Glad Den will live to cook another day. That would be horrible if you lost your live-in chef...what would I eat the next time I came over to your house?!?!
Yes, I can make anything about moi....
Your self-centered cuz Sluggy

Sonya Ann said...

D.Lynn-You have a point. Maybe I need to delete everything before we have an "accident" around here. Please remind me of this at the trial.

Sonya Ann said...

Cheapchick-My heart was pounding! And I love when people say, holy bat crap!

Sonya Ann said...

Dear self-centered cuz-I have heard that in prison you can melt plastic utensils into a shank. I should probably remember that because it is just a matter of time for me. Or maybe you for that fact, I foresee the mailman getting it or was it the UPS man?
Haha-Den will cook another day!

ND Chic said...

On a serious note, salt works best for putting out grease or wax fires. I've only had one grease fire and they're scary.

Frances said...

SonyaAnn, stay away from the dishwasher!