Monday, March 24, 2014
Don't we all struggle for perfection in one or more ways of our life? I do and it is usually the reason I get so stressed out. I can't obtain it.
I want to be thin and have a great body. I want to write a great book that people enjoy. I want to have a super clean and well decorated home. I want my kids to not just succeed but to thrive. I want a happy, well-fed, and clean husband. I want an awesome blog. I want people to like me. I want the ultimate in frugal budgets. I want to have a ton of money in the bank and live off the interest. And to be completely truthful, I probably won't come close on any fronts. And then the stress comes in.
I look at our budget and think, "I can do so much better than this." And I probably could but in the end I won't. I have worked so hard to streamline our finances. And it has worked but there comes a point where I won't or can't cut more fat. The cell phones could go and the gym membership could go. But I'm not going to do it and I'm not going to make excuses. These are luxuries and we have worked hard to get them.
Maybe this isn't about perfection but more about tolerance. Maybe tolerance of what we are capable of and what we are willing to live with. I was willing to live with an extra 40 pounds of fat sagging off of me but I'm not willing to live with 50 pounds. I clean the house twice a week, I'm not willing to clean more but I do pick up everyday. I'm willing to pay the cell phone bill and the gym membership but not the satellite bill.
Our lives are about to be changing soon. DJ will be headed off to Ball state university. I did the best that I could with my children, I really did. I tried every day to be not only loving but present.
I can't control everything not even myself half the time. So I am going to start this new phase in my life with a new attitude-self acceptance. The time that I almost died from an allergic reaction, I did make peace with God before I blacked out. And in that brief flash, I said that I was sorry for my sins and that I tried with all of my heart in everything that I did. And I know that He knows that.
I am flawed, my life is flawed, and this world is flawed. I see it as the only way to learn. We need to know bad so that we can see good. I can't make anything perfect because I am not. From here on out I will try with all of my heart and then say, "Fuck the rest."
I wonder what our house will look like with this new attitude?