Monday, March 24, 2014

Frugal Perfection?

Don't we all struggle for perfection in one or more ways of our life? I do and it is usually the reason I get so stressed out. I can't obtain it.
I want to be thin and have a great body. I want to write a great book that people enjoy. I want to have a super clean and well decorated home. I want my kids to not just succeed but to thrive. I want a happy, well-fed, and clean husband. I want an awesome blog. I want people to like me. I want the ultimate in frugal budgets. I want to have a ton of money in the bank and live off the interest. And to be completely truthful, I probably won't come close on any fronts. And then the stress comes in.
I look at our budget and think, "I can do so much better than this." And I probably could but in the end I won't. I have worked so hard to streamline our finances. And it has worked but there comes a point where I won't or can't cut more fat. The cell phones could go and the gym membership could go. But I'm not going to do it and I'm not going to make excuses. These are luxuries and we have worked hard to get them.
Maybe this isn't about perfection but more about tolerance. Maybe tolerance of what we are capable of and what we are willing to live with. I was willing to live with an extra 40 pounds of fat sagging off of me but I'm not willing to live with 50 pounds. I clean the house twice a week, I'm not willing to clean more but I do pick up everyday. I'm willing to pay the cell phone bill and the gym membership but not the satellite bill.
Our lives are about to be changing soon. DJ will be headed off to Ball state university. I did the best that I could with my children, I really did. I tried every day to be not only loving but present.
I can't control everything not even myself half the time. So I am going to start this new phase in my life with a new attitude-self acceptance. The time that I almost died from an allergic reaction, I did make peace with God before I blacked out. And in that brief flash, I said that I was sorry for my sins and that I tried with all of my heart in everything that I did. And I know that He knows that.
I am flawed, my life is flawed, and this world is flawed. I see it as the only way to learn. We need to know bad so that we can see good. I can't make anything perfect because I am not. From here on out I will try with all of my heart and then say, "Fuck the rest."
I wonder what our house will look like with this new attitude?
Zen like,
Sonya Ann


Cheapchick said...

I like the new attitude. I need more zen in my life. I think it involves selling off everything and moving to a small tropical island where they speak a different language and people are just happy to have a tin roof overhead. Funny, hubby doesn't share that dream..searching for zen too.

Sonya Ann said...

Cheapchick-I just don't want it anymore. I don't want stress or all the BS that comes with life. Hmmmm, I either on to something or having a breakdown.

Lena said...

I like you :)

I think, our life is all about finding a healthy balance. We can try to save every penny but, honestly, what's the point of it if we hate our existence? Finding that balance is what I'm working on right now, and it's definitely not easy...

Sonya Ann said...

Lena-I like you too, honey.
I think I am just so tired. I love my life but it is exhausting. And I agree with you completely-balance is everything. I am willing to work hard, I don't wish for things to happen, I try to make them happen but on so many instances I seem to be spinning my wheels. So I guess I'm throwing in the towel. Well, at least for the day or until my attitude changes.

slugmama said...

We all do the best we can....and it's never good enough for some one in our lives, is it?

Just do what you can cuz the haters will go on hatin'.
Just drink more and care less.... ;-)

Jenny Woolf said...

I think we need both attitudes. Doing your best and caring, and accepting when you can't live up to impossible standards. like a tightrope walker, you need to be constantly swaying between the two. I try to do this. I think some people can do it naturally, the Richard Bransons of this world. But I wouldn't want to be him, not with that beard.

Jane said...

I hear ya Sonya. I'm working towards self acceptance too. Every time somebody complains at work I just smile and think in 3 months I won't have to listen to this shit anymore. And I accept it and just keep smiling. Stress can kill and I want to live to see my retirement dreams realized. I'm not asking for much - just a front porch where I can drink my tea and watch the sun come up. Time to read and bike and walk and nap. Oh and breathe. Breathing is good. You've done your best, I know that. I wish I could get rid of my kid a nice way.

Frances said...

I am proud of you, SonyaAnn, that you have finally decided to stop trying to be perfect. Just be the best you that you can be and you will be so much less stressed.

Oh, and the empty nest will help a LOT!

Sonya Ann said...

sluggy-I like the drinking more and care lee attitude. I'm not sure that most of my relationships could survive though!

Sonya Ann said...

Jenny Woolf-I think you are better off beardless. LOL
It just seems like I get off balance at times but I guess this is everyone's life. Or it could be that I am in a pissy mood because of the diet. That really could be it.

Sonya Ann said...

Jane-I think that you have things figured out more than most. You seem to accept the good and the bad with grace.
And I know that you will have the best retirement EVER! And I am so impressed with everything that you have done to move your self towards it and how quickly you have accomplished your goals.

Sonya Ann said...

Frances-I think the diet and lack of alcohol is effecting me. LOL.
And I pray that the empty nest will help make things less stressed. I love my kids but they make us nuts. Den and I seem fine when it is just the two of us but throw in the kids and their problems and things get tense at times.

Donna Freedman said...

Kids! Can't live with 'em, can't bury them without some nosy parker asking questions.
Life will be different when they're gone. Sure, they'll come back for holidays et al., but once they're no longer LIVING there you will be free to do a few things for Sonya. Write, sleep late, eat chocolate ice cream out of the carton for breakfast. Whatever you need.
Just don't do naked selfies. The Internet never forgets.

Sonya Ann said...

Donna Freedman-Bahahaha! I really got a good laugh out of your comment. No nekid selfies from me. And you are oh so welcome for that one!