Monday, May 12, 2014

Smash ShMonday

I want you to follow the watch with your eyes and listen to my voice. You are getting thinner, thinner, thinner.
Ok so on Groupon there was a hypnosis class that you could take for $50 for 4 people. Hell yeah, my fat ass is in! I also drug my bestie and my mother-in-law with.
Did it work? I'm not sure. But I can tell you that the warm healing glow of my inner rainbow and safe place could not stop my drunk ass from eating a quarter of a loaf of AMAZING french bread.
I may have had better luck with it if I didn't have to fart while being hypnotized. I know that I shouldn't talk about things like that. Oh hell, I tell you everything. But I couldn't concentrate because I was thinking about not farting. And it was quiet in there. The good news is I didn't fart but a bunch of people were snoring.
DJ said that we were paying money to be molested. I'm not sure but all of our butts hurt when we left but I think that it was from sitting in the chair for 3 hours.
Are you sorry you showed up today?
I made another $33.73 off of BP. I can work the system like no other. Well, there are a few of us. 
And this is where we are................
$100.49     Google(blog writing)
$57            Pinecone research
$152.55     BP
$25            Amazon gift code that I won from Donna Freedman at Surviving and Thriving!!!!!
Total $335.04 for our 2014 Christmas!
I've started gathering stuff to throw DJ the hell out of here help him to the next phase of his life. If you are trying to help get a child out of your home by sending him/her/demon spawn to college, here is the list of things that you will probably want to get.
Now that I'm looking for things for him, I'm surprised by how much that I actually have. I have a few things from when Anna was in the dorm and a few things from when DJ went to Northwestern college for summer school.
3 months people and we are empty nesters!
I can't stop writing. It's crazy. If I don't get to work on my books, I get all kinds of evil!
So what am I writing besides the blog? Good question! I'm writing a new sci-fi and I'm about 80+ pages into it. I am also writing a romance novel. This is only because Den said that I couldn't do it. He said at the very least, I would have to kill something in a horrific manner maybe a pet. We shall see Dennis, we shall see.
My guess is that the romance novel will be titillating trash. I'll take what I can get.
And I am rereading and fixing a novel that has been edited by my famous and stunning cousin, Becky Lynch. She is awesome and I am totally taking advantage of her. She also has a wonderful way of pointing out stupid things that I am doing and it completely sounds like a compliment. Really, she has a gift and I obviously, didn't inherit that family trait. Just ask the people that I live with. I'm a master when it comes to insults.
And I finished doing archiving work on a website for a friend.
So I'm busy, I just need to find a way to make money writing. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
And that's all I have for you!
Bad parent and the farting writer,
Sonya Ann


McVal said...

I've got you ranked right up there with Dean Koontz!! However I have yet to read one of your books... I need to remedy that.

As for losing weight. I just ate a double pack of Twinkies. I've got a new diet plan...
And yes, it does include flatulence.

Sonya Ann said...

McVal-Well, I think that you rate me a bit too high. If it is farts, then I am fine.
My book will be out in about a month. So hold on we are almost there!

slugmama said...

Go read my post today and you will be CONVINCED we are 2 people sharing one brain. ;-)

slugmama said...

Dang it!
DJ has to report to BS Aug. did you luck out and have your teen leave a whole week Before mine has to leave?


So you'll be in IN Aug. 14th.....maybe we can do this log cabin in the woods deal after all.
It would leave us enough time to get back home to take Noah to college on the 21st.

Email me and we can talk.

Out My window said...

Sonya that is my problem, I have no time to really write (right) now... If I start I cannot stop, I just thought it was another addiction..... like moon pies, moon pies are why I don't lose weight. No one can fart better than I can, even when I am not hypnotized.

Sonya Ann said...

sluggy-We are out of control!

Sonya Ann said...

sluggy-You want to know the funny thing, we didn't even know when DJ had to report to school! BAHAHAHA! You know more about what is going on in my son's life than we do.

Sonya Ann said...

Out My Window-I have been reprioritizing my work load. Before I always put the housework first now I switched that. I put writing first. I figure since I am going to be an emptynester soon, its ok to put me first. That seems to help me get more done.
DO moon pies make you fart?

Frances said...

You will love being an empty nester. You will get lots more done when no kids are around. It is amazing. Even though ours were pretty independent when they lived here, there were still some work.

Sonya Ann said...

Frances-Even Den is complaining that DJ isn't even trying to pick up anymore. I think the boy has left mentally already.