Thursday, October 23, 2014

Fakin' Food

I'm a terrible cook and I'm pretty sure that I have said this over and over. I just don't have the homemaker's touch. Or do I?
I really have been trying to cut 10% off my ass and bills. Hey, I try. I normally don't succeed but there is always an effort.
Anywho, I made up this recipe trying to eat a bit healthier. And it turned out! Who knew?
Den has on a few rude occasions said and I quote his manner lacking self, "I thought I was going to shit out my lower intestines after that meal you made." He's funny but still lacking tack. Honestly, I don't take offense to comments like these. It can be that bad when I cook.
First, you are going to have to grate about 3 cups of cauliflower. This is no fun task. Hey, I'm still overly honest and I'm still over-sharing with ya.
Some of it will look like rice, some of it like crumbled cheese and some like broken off parts of cauliflower. It's all good, I tell you.

Just to let you know since I made this up, consider the recipe more of a guideline than an exact. It turned out amazing but its still me and I screw things up. LOL
 Fakin' Fried Rice
3 cups of shredded cauliflower
2 Tablespoons of vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon bacon grease(this is optional but it adds flavor)
1 small chopped onion
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1/2 of a bag of frozen peas and carrots
1/4 of a bag of broccoli
2 eggs
1/4 to 1/2 cup of soy sauce
Heat the veg oil and the bacon grease add the onion and garlic, saute until the onion is soft.
Heat the peas and carrots and broccoli in the microwave until warm(it doesn't cook well if the veggies are cold) add them with the shredded cauliflower to pan. Stir well.
Push everything off to the side in the pan.
Add your eggs to open side of your pan and scramble until completely cooked.
Mix thoroughly and add soy sauce.
I put the leftovers in an old Chinese food container. I do things to amuse me.
This turned out so well that Den ate two plates of it. That never happens! And there were no intestine jokes afterward.
This would also be a great recipe to add leftovers to. Maybe some chicken or some ham would be great. I'm on a roll, people!
On fire,
Sonya Ann


slugmama said...

It's sort of like fake fried rice meets egg foo young.
Doesn't sound bad at all until you mentioned peas.....yep, you lost me at peas.

I bet Den makes that comment when you attempt Mexican food, right?
It could possibly an accurate comment then as most Mexican makes me say that. lol

Janie Junebug said...

I'm glad it worked out, but if you're usually not a good cook, then maybe you should cook simpler things.


Sonya Ann said...

sluggy-It was a rice mix from a box that made him say that and hamburger helper that he has complained about.
And just leave the damned peas out.

Sonya Ann said...

Janie Junebug-It's just that Den was a French chef, I can't compete with that. He is just going to make tastier food than I can. I have often said that he should have been the stay at home mom and I should have gone to work. Mind you, the bills wouldn't have gotten paid and the house would have been a wreck but the food would have been great.

Cheapchick said...

This would appeal to my hubby and Stepdaughter - I will try it. My mother uses cauliflower to make mock mashed potatoes (Diabetes recipe she found somewhere). I think ham would be a great addition. I buy huge boneless hams to get the cheapest price then cut them down in size to meal size portions and freeze them that way. I am still working on the very end of the Spring ham. I am sure you are a much better cook than you let on - Den just loves the opportunity to stick a fork in you :)

Sonya Ann said...

Cheapchick-I've had the cauliflower mashed taters before and they were AWESOME! I haven't found any cheap ham to try adding to this but I bet it would be over the top.
I can cook a few things but I just can't hold a candle to what Den can do. And he does love to tease me.

Linda said...

I would have to leave out the peas also.

The chef I dated once came to my house and cooked. He was a disaster. He dribbled stuff, dropped food, and had water all over. My floor does NOT have a drain in it so I can hose the place down. When he cooked at his home, he was not messy at all.

But, Den would probably not do that to his own house.

It's too bad he teases you so. My husband criticized my cooking once too often. He was not teasing.

Jill said...

Sounds yummy :-0 Sometimes the best recipes are the ones we throw together. Enjoy! Have a fabulous weekend!


Jane said...

Couldja please come up with fake cake, or fake cookies? Fake chocolate? Fake pie? Please? Thanks.

Frances said...

That looks and sounds good!Go you!

Sonya Ann said...

Linda-I can't believe all the pea haters!
Den and I love to tease each other. Its sort of our thing, with a bit of flirting mixed in. Alls good in the kitchen.

Sonya Ann said...

Jill-You are always so upbeat and adorable!

Sonya Ann said...

Jane-I KNOW!!!!! I would be rich and loved by millions!

Sonya Ann said...

Frances-I was grinning from ear to ear when I read, "Go you!" Yay me!