I am so tired but that is a gross understatement. Crushed might be the word.
First off, I really missed you guys. You are much nicer and a lot less demanding than certain people that I have dumped off at college.
Where to start, where to start?
It's been a week of non-stop moving. I won't even go into the fighting we did last Tuesday trying to get that lazy and unorganized child's stuff into my van. Anna had her stuff sorted and ready to go a week before college started. It was because she so desperately want to escape us. DJ is either lazy or wanted to stay. I'm going to go with lazy.
So as we were haulin' ass through Chicago on Wednesday, I spotted this wonderful "fried something" fair stand.
I love my son and I try to be a supportive mother but I am being completely honest when I say he is a terrible driver. And he knows it so he drives close to home. The problem is he now wants to take his car to college. He has never driven on a tollway or an interstate. So I decided to change this and MAKE him drive us the 30 minutes to the Waffle House and back. Dumb fuck should be tattooed on my forehead.
I took a deep breath and started to calmly talk to him about paying attention while driving 70. He decided that 70 MPH was too fast and he would do 55 MPH in the fast lane. Things started poorly. He is just a very nervous person and we often say that he better get a fun wife or he will stroke out by the time he is 30. He is stressed all of the time.
I think the only reason that he hasn't gotten into an accident as of yet is because he is A.) going slow all of the time, as in half the speed limit. B.) everyone else is paying attention. C.) Divine intervention.
I'm sure that he has had some close calls that I don't know about.
After getting in the slow lane and calming down, he seemed to be ok with it and I was seriously thinking about giving him the car. Maybe I was the one shaking his confidence by telling him that he was a bad driver.
Then I got a refresher course on his driving.
A semi was broken down on the side of the road so I told him to change lanes since the tow truck driver was behind the semi and was working on hooking it up.
When he went to change lanes, some ass cut him off. So instead of taking a deep breath and watching the road, he keeps looking out the driver's window to get over and veers off the road and is about to run us into the back of the tow truck. All I could think was, we are all dead.
I screamed "STOP." Normally GOOD drivers will slowly press the break and look. Not my boy, he locks them up while we are half off the road before he even knew what was happening.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
Mind you, this entire incident only lasted a few seconds but it seemed like it went on for at least, 10 minutes. Pure terror slows time.
Being half off the road, he stomped the breaks while there was gravel under the tires. The over-packed van was just not built for that kind of abuse plus the weight of all of his crap SHIFTED us SIDEWAYS.
I am not kidding when I say that I felt my side of the van lift up. Yup, we were about to flip.
He went from off the road on the right to the right lane and then into the fast lane, then back again.
He managed to right the van once he got us back on the road and thank all that is good and holy that all the other drivers backed way the hell off. He had the entire road to himself in about 2 seconds flat.
HE'S NOT GETTING THE FUCKING CAR was the only thought in my mind after that mess.
Then he snapped at me about how my yelling doesn't help matters. He almost died twice in under a minute. I wanted to pinch his head off but I was too afraid that he really would kill us if I distracted him.
The Waffle House meal was not all that I had hoped for. Perhaps near-death distracts from the taste. Notice its not a real clear picture, well that's because I was shaking 30 minutes later.
And because I have a death wish, I made him drive us back. Mind you, he didn't want to but he really needs to know how to drive on the interstate. He is fine if he is going under 35 and did great in town but you hit 40 MPH with him and just pray to your God for help.
We went poking around after our near-death experience and meal. I found nothing at Goodwill in Muncie but it was something to do. And DJ felt bad for snapping at me so he was all chatty and willing to do whatever I wanted. I should have suggested some fucking driving lessons.
I knew that I was going to hit traffic on my trip home but I had no idea what a mess I was stepping into. The problem is there is a time change so I normally hit rush hour in Indianapolis and then I shift back an hour and get to hit another city at rush hour.
But who knew there would be a 2 hour detour. Yes, it was crap. But I did get to spend some time in the middle of nowhere. At one point, I thought that I should just abandon the van and live in the woods/fields. I had been watching Fat Guys in the Woods and figured I had enough knowledge to make it for a
I made it home very late Thursday and super tired. I hate move ins. Only two more times of moving DJ in and then I am free. Thank God Almighty, almost free at last.
Maybe I have all these problems in my life because I'm a shit. Karma watches me more than most people, I think.
Den and I tried to help our poor little tomato plants and I yanked out the run away dill.