Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Last weekend, started with the beam deciding to lose faith and start to descend. It's not a load bearing beam, thank goodness, but it wasn't safe by any means. How do you fix this, you ask? Den glued it but of course.
And since he had the glue out.....................................
And now on to the real story.........................
Anywho, I went to bed Saturday night all TVed out and woke up at about 2am with terrible back pains. It was so bad that I couldn't breath and was sobbing. It was like a band all around my back. The pain was so bad that I started vomiting. I've made peace with God twice because I thought that I was going to pass, this was the second time.
I woke Den up and asked for help. He suggested that we go to the ER. My response was, "I'm not giving those fuckers $300 to tell me I'm depressed." Faith in the American health care system.
I learned a few things this weekend. My husband should not be in the medical field EVER. You will get about 15 minutes of kindness and then he gets rude. I love him, please never let him take care of me if I'm really bad off.
I tried the heating pad and nothing was helping. Once Den realized that I would rather die than go to the ER, he ran out and bought a massager. Within twenty minutes of him using that on my back, the pain let up. I have no idea what I did to my spine but I did it good.
We both went to bed and woke up around 1pmish on Sunday. My back hurt for the rest of the day. Den decided to get some supplies for dinner and look for a battery operated pain therapy stick-on thingy. Mind you, he got lost going to Target which he has passed over and over and over but hey, he was trying to help me. Actually, he said, I'm not doing this shit with you another night.
He bought a knee pain kit. I stare blankly at him often. He said they were out of the back kits and this should work. He then went on to wonder what would happen if he stuck it to my girl parts. To which I said, I wonder what it will be like when I set your head on fire. Feel the love.
He managed to stick the thing to my back not my girly parts and proceeded to crank it up. A few things happened at the same time, I squealed, my right arm shot out and my left knee buckled. I fell forward on the table and Den couldn't help right away because of him laughing so hard. He finally managed to turn it down to an acceptable level. That said these things work quite well. But I was still in pain so I decided to help myself. I found some of the painkillers that DJ had from getting his wisdom teeth out. I took one with a cocktail. I waited an hour and nothing. I decided norco is for pussies and took a Vicodin and rinsed it down with two more cocktails. An hour later and NOTHING! I dosed myself with two more cocktails and added some Benadryl sprinkles and I finally felt a bit relaxed and went to bed. Who knew I would sleep through the night?
I had a killer headache the next morning. I know what you are going to say, that I did enough drugs to give Aerosmith a run for their money in their drug days. Which I won't rule out but every time I move my head, there is this odd grinding noise and stabbing pains. I think my problem is my spine.
SO what did you learn from this post? Den is a bit of a sadistic dick when it comes to caring for the ill. Don't let me dose your meds. But hey, the beam is still in place. Well its being held up by a jake and a board but I have to find some good in my life, right?