Thursday, November 19, 2015

Mean Wife

I may be the problem in my marriage. I really might be. Den said and I quote, "You better not post about this shit." And yet, here we are. Please if you ever talk to my hubs do not bring up the antenna event. I was a bit concerned that he would murder me, well I was more concerned about pissing myself actually.
This isn't all my fault. Yes, I cancelled the satellite. But its my BIL that gives Den so much shit about not being able to watch football on Thanksgiving that pushed him over the edge. I mean it isn't as if we are doing enough for my BIL by having Thanksgiving and doing all the cooking and buying all the liquor. Sigh, let it go Sonya or go to jail.
Anywho, Den decided to burn a half day's vacation and install an antenna. I would like to point out that he tried this before with NO luck. It was a small antenna so that was the "problem" before.
Den, in his wisdom, bought the most expensive antenna that "should" get 100+ channels. You know, I try not to be an asshole when I write but it seems to be getting easier. I love him and he is goodish to me but he is driving me mad.
So he climbs on the roof in the middle of one of the worst storms that we have gotten as of late. It is blowing and raining like a mother. Many hours later, he comes in the house very cold and soaked to the bone and flips on the tv. Out of the 100+ channels that he should be getting, he got 4! Yes, 4. One was a very dry news channel from Europe. One was a cartoon station. One was PBS. And last but not least, a Spanish channel. I thought that he was going to start throwing himself around in a fit of rage. I thought I would pee myself. Then to add insult to injury, I said, "Brush up on your Spanish." He replied, "you have to poke me with a fucking stick."
I'm an asshole.
Cable lover,
Sonya Ann


slugmama said...

Ya know, if you just burned down the houses around you he could probably get another 10 or so channels with the better reception y'all get.
But don't plant that seed in Den's mind, ok?

Why doesn't Den just take some Mextaca over to the Greek Easter folks and I am Sure they'd let the men folk crash their Thanksgiving for a football fix.
Then go poke him with a stick again......

Practical Parsimony said...

I can understand his frustration over not getting what he wants on tv. I just cannot understand the football thing.

He put that thing up in a storm? Maybe you can get bil up there during a thunderstorm. Dress him like Benjamin Franklin. Put a key in his pocket and maybe he will get hit in the pocket or thereabouts with lightning. He might quit complaining about the tv!

When you poke him with a stick which you inevitably will, remember--he cooks your food.

I'll be watched the parade.

Jill said...

Do you a Wii or other game console? You can pull Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hulu, YouTube and more through the console. Then return the antennae :-) Jerry gets frustrated we can only see sports that Dish wants to show us and not what he wants to watch. For what we pay you'd think we could watch ANYTHING we wanted. Can be exasperating I know. And don't even get me started on internet living in the country.... we can't get cable only DSL from Frontier and I HATE it and the service! Ugh. Hope your day is great!!!


Practical Parsimony said...

Okay, I put my glasses on and realized he did NOT put that antenna on the roof. I was recovering from a nightmare.

Cheapchick said...

My hubby would flip if I cancelled our cable, have tried to talk him into it over the years but no such luck. Maybe he should call the antenna people to make sure he installed it correctly?? PBS rocks, although they don't show football :)

Jane said...

Can I come and watch PBS? We have zero channels, but we do have Netflix. Which of course carries NO sports. What do I care? Oh hey, BIL could sit in front of your computer and stream the football games...unless they're blacked out. OR send him to a sports bar!! All the more liquor for you!!

Anne in the kitchen said...

Is it terribly wrong that I am just laughing my fat white dimply butt off while reading this post. It was funny all the way through and then we got the tag line "Brush up on your Spanish" That sent me over the edge. It is just the smart ass comment I would have made. Thank you for the belly laugh

Elephant's Child said...

Echoing Anne in the kitchen. I am not a nice person. And it is probably too late to change.

Jenny Woolf said...

Maybe he's a masochist. Seriously I can't think of any other reason for going out on the roof in a storm.

Donna Freedman said...

Buena suerte a su esposo. He'll need it with a mean ol' wife like you.