Thursday, February 4, 2016

Slick Wrap

Let me start this post by saying that I'm not happy with you. I won't go as far as being mad but I'm disappointed in you. Why do you leave me in charge of myself? We all know this is a bad idea but you seem to do it anyways. Please step up your game.
Well, I'm still trying to be health and fit and yada, yada, yada. I read about a coconut wrap that was supposed to slim you and detox you. Well, hell I'm all in. And the slow decline begins. Maybe Pinterest is my problem. Maybe stupidity?
The main idea-----grease yourself up, wrap yourself tight and then heat yourself. 
I lather up in coconut oil often, it makes me happy so this wasn't anything that made me have second thoughts. The saran wrap, well, I must say I did pause on this one. But what the hell, no one was here to stop me! I wrapped myself up like a tight ham sandwich! I was nice and snug from undertit to kneecap. I have to say it had an awesome slimming effect.
Now to add heat, hmmmmmm where to find it?????? Ah yes, I would clean the house thus proving myself with the needed heat. I started cleaning with a vigor that few knew. I found that with careful bending I could keep the wrap in place. At first. I could feel the wrap heating up and it was kind of nice. And then the sweat started to bead up under the saran wrap. It was getting a bit toasty and my vigor was waning. But I was determined to continue with my oily detox. I managed to clean the upstairs without too much trouble but by the second level, I realized that I was oozing oil through my sweats in some not to flattering places. And the saran wrap was shifting. But come hell or high water, I was seeing this through. By the end of my cleaning, I had oily saran wrap hanging out of one sweat pant leg that the damned cat wouldn't leave alone. On the other leg, all I had left was a pile of saran wrap above my knee like an odd knee pad and I had a saran wrap belt around my middle. I was greasy, my sweats stuck to me, tired and hot.  Why do I do these things to myself? Why don't you stop me? Why do I tell you these things?
The only good thing that came out of this was my super soft skin. Honestly, my skin was like silk. The sad thing was most of the soft skin was on my butt which no one would be willing to rub. So I'm thinking that we need to wrap our faces. You in?
And since we are talking about heating things up, when making homemade lotion, heat it slowly or it gets all lumpy after it has been sitting for a while.
If you do have any lump problems, just re-reheat it(slowly) and then pour it back in your container.
Are you going to get oily? Do you do things like this?
Ham sandwich,
Sonya Ann


slugmama said...

You are such a ham! ;-)

Anne in the kitchen said...

Is it wrong that I am laughing so hard I am snorting? This might be my favorite post ever!

Elephant's Child said...

I think having greased yourself up, and wrapped yourself you are supposed to meet your husband at the door - and get warm and sweaty together. Your super soft behind might get appreciated as well.